Captain Hook

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns telling their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a wooden leg, a hook on the end of his arm, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the wooden leg?"

The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out of the sea, a shark bit off my leg."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"?

"Well.....", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut off my hand."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?

"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well.....", said the pirate, ".....it was my first day with the hook............"

Cancer scan reveals surprise for mum, 57

A 57-year-old woman has become one of the oldest first time mothers in the UK, after initially being told that her pregnancy could be ovarian cancer. Eight weeks prior to giving birth, Susan Tollefsen was sent for emergency hospital tests on a growing swelling, suspected to be ovarian cancer, only to be told by the sonographer that she was 30 weeks pregnant. Ms Tollefsen, a teacher, and her partner Nick Mayer, had been attempting to conceive for several years, but in the UK IVF is not funded for women over 40. The couple had travelled to a Moscow clinic to have fertility treatment using donor eggs, which had been fertilised with Mr Mayer's sperm. In August last year Ms Tollefsen was taken to hospital having suffered a suspected miscarriage, which appeared to be confirmed by blood tests. A later examination revealed an abdominal mass, which then turned out to be the pregnancy. Ms Tollefsen believes that she miscarried one of her twins, and that the other one survived.
Nine weeks after the scan revealed the pregnancy, Ms Tollefsen's daughter Freya was born by caesarean section, weighing 6lb 6oz. Ms Tollefsen said, 'the doctor held her up, I took one look and burst into tears'. Medical checks confirmed that Freya was healthy and had developed normally.
In 2006, 62-year old Patricia Rashbrook became the UK's oldest woman to have a child, following treatment with donor eggs carried out in Eastern Europe. The oldest woman in the world to have given birth following fertility treatment is Adriana Iliescu, a Romanian woman, who gave birth aged 66 in 2005. Clinics in the UK are not likely to treat women in their fifties and sixties - even though it is not illegal to do so, most clinics have an upper age limit and few would treat women over the age of 45.

Free Samples

Parenting

Akshardam

After 5 years of non-stop, round-the-clock construction, the massive and awesome Akshardham Temple Monument to World Peace was inaugurated in 2005. The Akshardham Temple in New Delhi, India , constructed by the BAPS foundation -- the builders of the various Swaminaryan Temples across the world, is truely a modern day Wonder of the World.

It is one of the biggest and most intricate religious places of worship ever constructed. Combining several completely different and contrasting architectural styles of Hindu temple architecture of northern India -- Rajasthani, Orrisi, Gujarati, Mughal and Jain -- the Akshardham Monument is entirely constructed of marble and the red-sandstone that Delhi is famous for, and that so many of her monuments are constructed of. It was completed in only 5 years; a world record of sorts . So after years of waiting, the Temple was opened to the public on the 8th of November 2005 -- and to photographers. Below is the New Delhi Akshardham Complex as seen through the eyes of a BAPS photographer.

At its inaguration, it is widely being heralded as one of the greatest monuments India has ever produced. I hope you enjoy viewing this architectual marvel as much as I enjoy having the pleasure of presenting it to our blogeurs.

The Akshardham monument, built without steel, is entirely composed of sandstone and marble. It consists of 234 ornately carved pillars, 9 ornate domes, 20 quadrangled shikhars, a spectacular Gajendra Pith (plinth of stone elephants) and 20,000 murtis and statues of India's great sadhus, devotees, acharyas and divine personalities. The monument is a fusion of several architectural styles of pink stone and pure white marble. Pink stone symbolizes bhakti (devotion) in eternal bloom and white marble of absolute purity and eternal peace. The monument was built after over 300 million man hours of services rendered by 11,000 volunteers, sadhus and artisans.

It is truly one of the wonders of the modern world, and the wonders of modern India!

The Income Tax Inspector

A father walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a Rupee coin. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and gasping for breath. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the coin and starts panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman is sitting at a tea stall in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of tea.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her Tea cup down , neatly folds the newspaper, places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the coin, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, she hands the coin to the father and walks back to the Tea stall without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, 'I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?'

No,' the woman replied, 'I work for the Income Tax Dept.

Folic acid improves a man's chance of becoming a father

US scientists have found a possible link between low dietary folate levels and abnormal sperm in men. The findings, from the University of California, Berkley, and the Lawrence Berkley National Laboratory, provide further evidence that healthy diets aid fertility. Folate is a soluble B vitamin found naturally in foods such as citrus fruits, green leafy vegetables and pulses. The synthetic form, folic acid, can be taken in dietary supplements. The benefits for women of high folate levels are well established in preventing birth defects, but this is the first time a reproductive benefit for men has been shown. The normal
recommended daily allowance (RDA) of folate for humans is 200 micrograms, and 400 micrograms for women trying to conceive and during pregnancy. The study, published in the journal Human Reproduction, looked at samples from 89 healthy, non-smoking men aged between 22 and 80, and information about their diet and supplementary intake. They found that men who ingested high levels of folate - between 722 and 1150 micrograms per day - had 20-30
per cent lower levels of abnormal sperm than men with low folate intake. The researchers were looking at forms of 'aneuploidy' in the sperm. Aneuploidy is an abnormal number of chromosomes in cells. If these abnormal sperm fertilise an egg, the resulting fetus can have the wrong number of chromosomes, something that can lead to chromosomal disorders such as Down's syndrome. Other risk factors also include miscarriage during pregnancy. The researchers targeted specific chromosomes - chromosomes 21, X and Y - as these are associated with the common types of aneuploidy in live births.
Brenda Eskenazi, professor of epidemiology and maternal and child health at UC Berkeley's School of Public Health, was the co-principal investigator of the study. She says: 'in previous studies, we and others have shown that paternal micronutrient intake may contribute to successful conceptions by improving the quality of the sperm. This study is the first to suggest that
paternal diet may play a role after conception in the development of healthy offspring'. The scientists warn that this is not conclusive evidence yet, and both men and women should take a serious look at their diet and lifestyle when trying to conceive. Smoking, drinking excessively and unbalanced diets are highly likely to affect fertility. In the US, folic acid has been added to breads, flour, cereals and other grain products since 1998 to ensure women get their RDA of folate. A
decision on whether folic acid should be added to bread and flour in the UK is due next year.