Sized To Fit Condoms Now!

Fact: The US FDA doesn't allow very large or very small condoms. Magnum XLs are only sightly bigger than normal. In Europe, however, they are soon going to get them in 70 different sizes. Are you a J33 or a G22?

Believe it or not, using a condom that is not suited for your penis increases the possibilities of breakage and slippage, which in turn increases the possibility of sexually transmitted infections, or unwanted pregnancies. Even while they know this—as have been discovered in various studies—the US FDA doesn't allow for condoms that are longer, shorter, thinner, or thicker than the average.

In Europe, however, men will be able to print out this measuring tool, and order exactly the size they need. Hopefully, someone will bring these TheyFit condoms to the US & the rest of the world. For now, however, all you can do is print and play.

The Satellite Link That Keeps Watch On Your Children

Its vivid colour is clearly designed to appeal to youngsters. But this watch is really aimed at their parents.

For its key selling point is a satellite positioning system that locates the wearer to within ten feet.

The makers claim the GPS tracking device will offer anxious parents peace of mind and allow children the independence to go out to play on their own.

But critics have said the 'tagging' is a step too far in the climate of paranoia over child safety.

The num8 watch, pictured above, costs £149.99 and can be securely fastened to a child's wrist, triggering an alert if forcibly removed.

Parents will be able to see their child's location on Google maps by texting 'wru' to a special number, or clicking 'where r you' on the secure website linked to the device. The street address and postcode will be displayed.

Safe zones can also be set up in which children can play. An alert will be sent to the parents if the child strays out of that area.

Steve Salmon, of makers Lok8u, said: 'Losing your child, if only for a brief moment, leads to a state of panic and makes parents feel powerless. The overriding aim of num8 is to give children their freedom and parents peace of mind.'

But Dr Michele Elliott, director of children's charity Kidscape, said: 'Is the world really that unsafe that parents need to track their children electronically? I don't think so.'

Alaska

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska, as far from humanity as possible.He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.  Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door.  He opens it, and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
"Name's Lars, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About  5:00." 
"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some  local folks. Thank you."
As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you......be some drinking'"... 
"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too"...
"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there,  Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild sex, too"...
"Now that's really not a problem," says Tom, warming to the idea.  "I've been all alone for six months!  I'll definitely be there. By the  way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter .... Just gonna be the two of us"...

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
- Alan, age 10

(2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
- Kristen, age 10


WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
- Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
- Freddie, age 6
(very wise for his age)


HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
- Derrick, age 8


WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids.
- Lori, age 8


WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
- Lynnette, age 8
(isn't she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
- Martin, age 10
(Who said boys do not have brains)


WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9


WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they're rich.
- Pam, age 7
(I could not have said it better myself)

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- Curt, age 7
(Good Point)

(3 )The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- Howard, age 8
(Who made the rule)


IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
- Anita, age 9
(bless you child)


HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is........


HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
- Ricky, age 10
( The boy already understands)

US company offers celebrity ‘look-a-like’ sperm

A California-based fertility company is offering prospective parents a range of celebrity 'look-a-like' sperm donors. Cryobank, which is also planning to offer services in New York, allows customers to search through a database according to characteristics such as ethinicity and eye colour without revealing donors' photographs. In addition, the company has now added features that resemble celebrities such as David Beckham and David Blaine.

Cryobank's introduction on its website reads: ‘Have you ever wondered if your favorite donor looks like anyone famous? You know how tall he is and his hair and eye color, but wouldn't it be great to have an idea of what he really LOOKS like? Now you can find out with a click of your mouse!'

Scott Browne, a spokesman for Cryobank said that 'the intention is not to suggest the child will look like one of the celebrities. It's just to personalise the donor. I think in their heads they know the medical history is most important, but ultimately we're all interested in what someone looks like. It's what we do when we're dating or meet someone. I didn't ask my wife her medical history before I decided to marry her.'
Potential sperm donors are put through a rigorous screening process delving into their health and medical history before finding out which celebrity they most closely resemble. Browne says the process of deciding which donor resembles which celebrity is not easy: 'There's a lot that goes into it. It's not just sitting in a room deciding who looks like Ben Affleck, what sounded really easy got complicated when we realised that people see people in completely different ways,' he said. He added: 'So we're very concerned about misleading clients. One rule we made was that a donor never gets just one celeb. And one of our representatives can always get on the phone and explain.'

The company's New York Park Avenue branch will not be open for a few months but from this week prospective parents can search the database online for celebrity look-a-like sperm.

One Last Bush Cartoon

Currahee!!!