IVF success usually peaks early

More tries aren't necessarily better when it comes to in vitro fertilization. New research found that about 1 in 3 women had a baby the first time they tried a test tube embryo, and that improved to nearly 1 in 2 with a second try.
However, undergoing a third cycle boosted success rates very little and leveled off with subsequent attempts.
"Don't quit if the first cycle isn't successful. Your chances go up with the second cycle," said lead researcher Barbara Luke of Michigan State University. But "if you haven't gotten pregnant by the third, the chances are slim to continue."
In vitro fertilization involves mixing egg and sperm in a laboratory dish. The resulting embryo is then transferred into the womb to grow into a baby. Earlier last month, British researcher Robert Edwards won the medicine Nobel Prize for pioneering the technique that has led to 4 million test tube babies.
Infertility treatment is expensive. The average cost for an IVF cycle is about $12,400, according to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine. Some insurance companies cover it.
Desperate couples often try over and over to conceive, and there are no ethics standards on when doctors should stop helping them try. Fertility clinics report success rates based on the number of cycles attempted, but that doesn't indicate how likely an individual woman is to get pregnant with each IVF cycle she undergoes.
The new study is the first to examine that nationally. It looked at in vitro procedures around the country between 2004 and 2008.
Over the five-year period, some 300,000 women had more than half a million IVF cycles that resulted in 171,327 first-time deliveries. The live birth rate was 36% on the first IVF try, 48% with a second cycle and 53% with a third attempt.
Among those who tried seven or more times, the chance of success was 56% -- hardly any better than the 53% after three tries.
The findings show "diminishing returns" after three IVF cycles, said lead researcher Luke. "The results are not going to be much better."

Quintuplets revisited!

Sarah Pavlenko made history 21 years ago as one of the world's first IVF quintuplets. This week Ms Pavlenko has returned to the same Perth hospital where she was delivered to begin a career caring for miracle babies just like her. "I always wanted to be a nurse," she said. "I grew up hearing stories about my time in the neonatal ward being cared for alongside my brother and sisters."Those stories inspired me to get into the health system."

The Pavlenko quintuplets Sarah, Jessica, Joshua, Aimee and Breeanna were born at King Edward Memorial Hospital on January 18, 1989.The births made headlines around the world and the Pavlenkos are still the only quins on record to be born at WA's maternity hospital.

"People always ask me what it was like to grow up as a quin," Ms Pavlenko said. "The best part was that there was always someone around to talk to or hang out with. The older we've got, the closer we've become."

Ms Pavlenko returned to KEMH on Monday to start her nursing career after graduating from Edith Cowan University.She will be working in the neonatal intensive-care unit where the state's sickest babies are kept alive.The hallways to the neonatal unit are still covered in newspaper clippings and photos of the Pavlenko quins as babies.

"I've had hospital staff come up to me and tell me that they were working the day that I was born," Ms Pavlenko said. "It's amazing. They're so happy to see me again it's like I'm family. "It shows that the hospital must be a good place to work if the staff are still there 21 years later." Ms Pavlenko said it was surreal to look at the babies in the neonatal ward and imagine that once it was her. "They're so tiny," she said. "Holding them you can't help but think that it was once you. But, each baby is an individual with its own special needs."

One of her sisters, Breeanna, will also become a nurse within months at Princess Margaret Hospital for Children.Amazingly, the same day the Pavlenko quintuplets were born, quadruplets were also delivered at KEMH.

Les Affaires

The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'


The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time…!'



The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home.

'I have something to show, you won't believe,
' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'


The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she
heard her husband opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,' she said.
'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'


The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed..

He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'

The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'


The 6th & Best Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess…'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

IVF births result in taller kids

Children born using in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) are likely to be taller than their naturally conceived counterparts, New Zealand researchers have found.

The study by Auckland University's Liggins Institute found IVF children conceived from fresh, rather than frozen, embryos were about 2.6cm taller than non-IVF children by the age of six. The research, which examined about 200 children, found the height difference was statistically significant, even after adjusting for variables such as the parents' height.

Liggins Institiute director Wayne Cutfield said the phenomenon was most striking in girls. 'At this stage, we don't know what the catalyst for that is,' he told Radio NZ on Thursday. Mr Cutfield said appeared IVF children from fresh embyros had a different hormone profile to regular children, which could promote growth.

This could be caused by the drugs mothers took to induce ovulation during the conception process or by the culture medium the embryos were developed in for 36 hours before being transferred to the womb, he said. Mr Cutfield said another possibility was that medical workers simply picked the largest, most developed embryos because they were most likely to survive the IVF process.

He said the study showed the need for more research into children born through IVF, which has assisted in up to four million births globally over the past 32 years.

'There's been remarkable little research done on IVF children,' he said. 'There's been several studies that have looked at intelligence and cognitive function that haven't shown any differences with IVF. This is the first study that's looked very precisely at growth resultation and metabolism.'

The Chicken Story...

Mirchandani lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Mirchandani called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Mirchandani called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW:CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Mirchandani called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good.. Can I put up my own sign?"

The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign.." He was going to let Mirchandani do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Mirchandani. Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the Sheriff and he decided to give Mirchandani a call.. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did. And! not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign...

It might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."

So the sheriff drove out to Mirchandani's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray painted on a sheet of wood....NUDIST COLONY & Go slow and watch out for chicks!

WINNERS DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY!!

Baby Born from 20-Year-Old Frozen Embryo

Earlier this year, a baby boy was born from a 20-year-old frozen embryo, reports the journal Fertility and Sterility; 20 years is the longest ever duration between cryopreservation of an embryo and birth.

The 42-year-old mother of the boy, who is not named in the study, began trying to get pregnant using IVF ten years ago. At the time, she and her husband received embryos from a heterosexual couple who had themselves undergone IVF.

That couple had anonymously donated their leftover embryos after the woman successfully gave birth. Thing was, they did so in 1990 – meaning that the boy just born to the woman in the study has a sibling out there somewhere who was conceived at the same time but is 20 years [older].

The previous record was 13 years.

Ain't it the truth!! Old Sea Story!!

There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad.
The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.
The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"
The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear." He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz."

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Someone may come along and promise "Change", but don't count on things smelling any better.

'A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have...'
-Thomas Jefferson