Jai Hanuman!

A historic event indeed, the Largest Hanuman Murti(Idol) in Africa, unveiled yesterday ... on its premises at the corner of Roads
601 / 701, Arena Park , Chatsworth. Durban, South Africa, Jai Shri Hanuman...

Bandra… we love you!

History records the first known settlement in Bandra as far back as 600 BC. Part of Ashoka’s empire 300 years later, the place came under the hindu Silhara dynasty from 900 to 1300AD.

The Portuguese, in 1534, took possession of the seven islands of Bombay by force from the Sultans of Gujarat who had made it part of their sultanate since 1343. In 1543 they gave the Jesuits the sole ownershipof Bandra, a tiny fishing village inhabited by Koli fishermen and farmers.

Tradition has it that Bandra was originally known as Vandra or Ape as it was the home of monkeys, then in 1505 the Portuguese called it Bandor; later it was called Bandera, Bandura, Bandore, Pandara,Bandorah, Bandara and finally Bandra; a railway sign board finalized it at the end of the last century. There are other views on the origin ofthe name, one stating that it is derived from a Portuguese princess and another more plausible one that it is a corruption of Bandar-gah in Persian (Bandar is a common word for Port in Iran). Vandre in Marathi and Bandar in Persian both mean port and come from the same Sanskrit root word. The area was under Silhara dynasty in the 12th century. It is referred to as "Bandora" as seen on grave-stones in the cemetery of St Andrew's church.

In 1570 the Jesuits built a church & a college in Bandra called St Anne's, or 'Santa Anna' church on Pali hill.

When King Charles married Catherina of Portugal in 1661, Bombay was given to England as part of her dowry. Salcette was not part of this treaty and remained with the Portuguese. In 1739 with the threat of Maratha invasion, the Portuguese appealed to the British for help and they suggested to the Portuguese to destroy all fortifications around the chapel and the fortress Aguada. Bandra was regained when the Portuguese troops were aided by the English and a slaughter-house was built on the same spot of victory, and assigned to the Dakhni Muslims to operate (now the BEST bus depot at Bandra railway station).

The English found in this newly acquired territory of Salcette thousands of Indian families who were converted to Christianity. Christians in Bandra were mostly of the Koli & Bhandari castes,originally from Bombay Salcette, Bassein & Thana, as well as Kunbi farmers who migrated to the island from Colaba, because the ban on the fish manure they used. It was from these families the English drew their supplies of clerks, assistants & secretaries; at that time there was hardly a Hindu Koli, Parsi or Muslim, the other communities who peopled Bandra, who could read Roman characters. There was also a large influx of Christians from Goa, Mangalore, its Carnatac environs & Kerala. Many native elders worked for the British East India Company & this prompted local converts to adopt the misnomer 'EastIndians' and form the East Indian Association on May 26th 1887 to distinguish the 'sons of the soil', who were the first employees of the company, from Christians who came from further down the west coast and shared the same names and religion, as well as vied for the same jobs.The East Indian Association runs the fabled Bandra Gymkhana to date, primary membership still reserved for East Indians.

The chapel of Mount Mary was built around 1640 at the top of the hill at Bandra’s southern tip. Tradition has it that it was destroyed in 1738 during a Maratha raid. The statue of the Virgin Mary was recovered from the sea by fishermen & temporarily installed in St Andrews church, before being shifted to the rebuilt Mount Mary church in 1761, that year marking the beginning of Bandra feast, an eight day celebration in the Blessed Virgin’s honour, starting on the Sunday following her birthday on September 8. To this day the celebration continues and the statue is venerated by pilgrims from far and near and many miracles are attributed to the Virgin Mary by all communities. The architect of Mount Mary's church was Bombay’s Shapoorjee Chandabhoy …the first time ever a non-catholic was assigned to a catholic monument. It was built to serve the garrison posted at Castella de Aguada, the fort at Land's End. In 1879, Jamsetjee Jeejeebhoy constructed a flight of steps from foot of Mt Mary hill to north side of church known as the Degrados de Bomanjee (steps of Bomanjee). The Basilica of Our Lady ofthe Mount as it stands today was built in 1904 at a cost of Rs 1 Lakh.

The Kunbi farmers founded St Andrew's Church in 1733, which has the distinctive Portuguese-style façade. The wall enclosing the compound of St Andrew's Church was built by a Parsi, Manockjee Sorabjee Ashburnerin 1862 as is recorded on a slab on the main gate of the enclosure. The Portuguese built several churches in Bandra facilitating its unique distinction of being a town having the most Roman Catholic churches anywhere in the world, all within a four sq/km area; six churches each with their own parishes, and the Basilica of Our Lady of the Mount. The churches beside the Basilica, St Anne's and St Andrew's are St Peter's(1853), Our Lady of Mount Carmel (1890), St Theresa's (1948), and St Francis Of Assisi.

Bandra has over 150 crosses at various places, many built to ward off the decade long plague epidemic that struck between 1896 & 1906.The oldest cross is the one relocated in St Andrew's church compound. It was originally at St Anne’s but when the building was blown up onthe orders of the English to prevent it falling into Maratha hands inthe year 1737, the cross, its only original remnant, was relocated. It stands 17ft high, carved out of a single stone with 39 emblems of Jesus Christ's passion engraved on it's surface.

Bandra remained a village with plantations of rice and vegetables separated from the industrial town of Bombay by a tidal creek which Portuguese called Bandora and the English changed to Mahim creek. Crossing this creek was by ferry until, after many boats capsized, a causeway was built by Lady Jamsethji in 1843 at a cost of a little over Rs 1 Lakh. It was designed by Lt Crawford and opened to public in 1845.

St Stanislaus High School, started in 1863 as an orphanage for nativeboys by the Jesuits of St Peter’s church, became a high school in 1923.It was first English medium school in the suburbs and maintains its status as a premier educational institution to date as it approaches its sesquicentennial.

In 1863, the first four F.C. (Daughters of the Cross) sisters came to Bandora (Bandra) and started a day school for village children, that eventually evolved into St Joseph’s Convent High School in 1868.

The first railway service, the Bombay Baroda Central Indian Railway (BB & CI Railway) was inaugurated on April 12th 1867 with one train per day between Virar & Bombay. Six years later the frequency was increased to 24 & today over 900 trains stop at Bandra each day. A handful of Bandra’s residents had motor vehicles; the other’s just walked to the railway station. Till as late as the 1930's Bandra had only one bus service from Pali naka down to Hill road to the Railway station.

There was a section of Muslims in the eastern part of Bandra, presently across the railway lines, called Navpada (Naupada) previously known as Naopara. These Kokani Sunni Musalmans or Konkani Muslims, all Hanafi, had migrated from inner parts of Thane district like Vasai, Nalasopara,Bhiwandi and Rabodi. Nine prominent Kokani Muslim families inhabited here, so it was named as Nav (meaning 9 in Marathi) and Pada (meaning village). They built the Kokani masjid (Konkani mosque), a cemetery & lakes, which can be traced back more than 300 years. The inhabitants of this area mainly worked cotton handlooms. On introduction of powerlooms in Bombay city, this industry died & they started the milk business. With the introduction of the railway line the area was divided as Navpada East & Navpada West. A major part of lands of this area were acquired by the Railways, where today Bandra Station, Bandra Terminus (earlier Bandra mar shalling yard) & the railway lines exist. The present lake called Bandra Talao or Lotus Tank formerly known as Motha Reservoir was one of the properties of these Kokani Muslims, which was later acquired by the Municipal Corporation for maintenance.

Along with Mount Mary hill, Bandra includes Pali hill. Although many bungalows were built in Bandra during the boom years of the 1860s and70s, this fashionable area, now inhabited by the glitterati, saw the first constructions only in the 1880s. A 18 hole golf course called Danda Green with an english style club house, all ensconced in lush greenery, sat on the top of this hill with membership reserved for the British who lived on the hill. Each cottage on the hill had a stable for horses owned by its occupants.

The Tata Agiary on Hill Rd was built by Tata in memory of his wife in 1884.

Bandra consisted of villages Sherly, Malla, Rajan, Kantwadi, Waroda,Ranwar, Boran, Pali, Chuim and Chimbai. Ranwar had a tennis court and the famed Ranwar Club was popular for Christmas and New Year Eve dances. Supari Talao, Bandra’s signature sports venue, actually had a‘talao’ on its eastern half, and was home to American troops during World War II, who stole the hearts of the local children by sharing their rations with them on their way to school.

Each of the two water-fronts that embrace Bandra have had their own unique place in the lives of their inhabitants. The bay strewn with rocks and sand facing the causeway to Mahim and the city was the sourceof livelihood to a large fishing community of Kolis as well as a unique experience for us growing up there, witnesses to its monsoon fury as well as its tranquil calm, home to a wide variety of aquatic life. Each rock cluster was given a different name according to the purpose it served. The paddle boats, the walls of fishing nets and damns of rocks(kalwa) were a treat that still endures. The tireless fisher folk were a source of enlightenment, their camaraderie, discipline and hard work that went into bringing each fresh catch and themselves safely back home. Then in the mid 1960’s with grandiose plans in the name of ‘progress’, a major portion of the bay was reclaimed (hence Bandra Reclamation) , and the local Kolis forever lost their paradise. This bay was lipped with cottages and buildings built in the 1940’s and 50’s with relevant names. Wavelash, where I have resided for my 50 odd years, as well as all the other structures here had their sea fronts lashed by waves twice each day. All of these structures were in large compounds where we as children would spend the whole day, each different group at their own game. St John the Baptist road running along these compounds leads to the steps upto Mount Mary Basilica. Folklore has it that in times before the 1950’s pilgrims would traverse this stretch in processions with fire torches and beating drums to ward off tigers and other wild animals that the lush forests in the vicinity were home to. The other waterfront has three distinct stretches, one from Band Stand along BJ road to St Andrew's church, the second skirting Chimbai fishing village, and the third, laced with lushmangroves, runs along Carter road to Danda fishing village. Chimbai and Danda are where the last few Kolis of Bandra still manage to eke out aliving from their catch at sea. Among the waterfronts Band stand stood tall, catering to myriad visitors, especially families, all through the week and more so at week ends, when in the days of yore a band actually took the stand, regaling a sizable audience.

Godbunder road (now SV road), Bazaar road, Hill road, Pali road and BJ road are the five oldest roads in Bandra. Godbunder road originally ranfrom Mahim causeway, skirted Bazaar road, went around the Bandra talao and continued on to Godbunder. It was later made straight by cutting through the talao. Bazaar road began at Godbunder road, opposite the mosque and ran through the market keeping close to the coast, now the Bandra Reclamation. Its two kilometre stretch is home to a Jain temple,a Ram mandir, a Hanuman temple, a Khoja mosque, a Catholic chapel and a Sikh gurduwara. Hill road starting from Bandra railway station went through middle of Bandra town, past St Andrews church to terminate at the foot of the Mount Mary hill. Pali road began at St Peter’s church, cut through Pali village and continued on till Danda. BJ road startedfrom St Andrew’s church and went on to Lands End. It was built by Byramjee Jeejebhoy (hence ‘BJ’) and opened to public in 1878. Manyroads in Bandra like Perry, Carter, Bullock, Kane and Bates were named after British collectors and magistrates.

The families of Bandra’s yesteryears were large and traditions handed down from generations were faithfully adhered to, many still are. Marriages were an eight day celebration; from Thursday to Thursday for a Sunday wedding. The whole village was invited to celebrate along withthe extended families and no one was excused for not being there.Thursday was pig slaughter day. Friday was to make papads to go downwith the locally brewed spirit. On Saturday ‘fugias’ & ‘varias’were prepared and water was drawn from the village well to bathe the bride and groom, a tradition called ‘paani’, followed by East Indians to date. Sunday was the nuptial Mass followed by a grand reception with a sumptuous menu laced with ‘kimaat’, a concoction of the same spirits and selected condiments. Monday was the day of rest when the remaining food was finished. Tuesday was time for ‘pos’, when the feet of the guests were washed in exchange for cash. There was a farewell dinner on Wednesday and the guests left on Thursday by which time ‘honeymoon’ forthe bridal couple was supposedly over ...


Did that honeymoon ever end? … it never really did ... i know for sure... it's the Bandra we love!



- by Denzil Rego

Do Not Buy an iPad

Time's up. If you haven't bought an iPad by now, don't. You've crossed the sucker line, and you'll feel like a grade-a chump when the next iPad comes out.

The basic rule of gadget-buying happiness is this: Don't buy anything after it's crossed the halfway point in its life-cycle. That's the sucker line.

When it comes to iPods and iPhones, the lifecycle is easy to grok: Apple produces new models like clockwork. Every September, new iPods emerge, tweaked this way or that way. And every June, there's a new iPhone. Apple hasn't produced multiple generations of iPads for us to pinpoint precisely when the next version will emerge, but since it uses mobile guts like the iPhone—and those mobile guts advance technologically at the same speed—it's reasonable to assume the iPad will see yearly updates just like the iPhone. Also, the steadily rising volume of tidbits about the next iPad indicate it's coming soon, lining up with a yearly update cycle.

If you're going to buy an iPad. or any gadget with a yearly release cycle, the best time to buy them for the maximum gadget newness-happiness quotient is within six months of their release. After the six-month mark, only throw down your card in a time of need—you dropped your iPhone in a toilet or your iPad was used as an awkward frisbee by your three-year-old cousin. And if we're at the point we are now, a mere two months or so from a brand new model, do everything in your power to punt the purchase. Use a crappy flip phone. Borrow a friend's Galaxy Tab. Just wait.

By matt buchanan

The Mother Of All Snow Storms!

These pictures were taken in Lead, South Dakota , on January 5, 2011. That's just off I-90 close to Rapid City near the Wyoming border, USA

The Life of a Fetus

Testosterone Offers New Hope For IVF Success

Many women have the frustrating experience of pursuing costly IVF only to have their cycles cancelled and their hopes dashed when poor ovarian response to stimulation eventuates in them being diagnosed as a ‘poor responder.’

Even when massive doses of gonadotropin stimulants are used, some women's ovaries seem recalcitrant to stimulation and do not produce follicles as expected. Many strategies have been pursued to find novel ways of boosting the ovarian response of poor responders, testosterone is one such strategy that may give such women new hope.

Historically, a number of studies have been performed on the benefits of giving poor responders testosterone prior to IVF as a means of improving IVF response. The results have been very positive thus far.

In a 2011 South Korean study, poor responder women were given a transdermal testosterone gel before ovarian stimulation began. In this study poor responders were defined as women who had failed during previous IVFs to produce more that 3 follicles over 16 mm diameter, despite high gonadotropin stimulation.

The 110 women were randomized to receive either transdermal testosterone pretreatment with 12.5 mg daily for 21 days in the cycle preceding the IVF or a placebo. The results of the study showed that the women who received testosterone pretreatment needed less gonadotropin stimulation and had a significantly higher number of oocytes retrieved. They also had more mature oocytes that fertilized and more high quality embryos.

The testosterone pretreated women also had a higher pregnancy rate and there were no adverse effects from the male hormone treatment. The researchers concluded that;

"TTG pretreatment might be beneficial in improving both response to COS and IVF outcome in low responders undergoing IVF/ICSI."

This study echoes the findings of previous studies that have likewise found that pretreatment with testosterone can offer poor responder women a novel, inexpensive and low-risk way to up the odds of IVF succeeding.

Reference:
Fertil Steril. 2011 Feb;95(2):679-83.
The effect of transdermal testosterone gel pretreatment on controlled ovarian stimulation and IVF outcome in low responders. Kim CH, Howles CM, Lee HA.

Mad, sad or just desperate for fame? Judith Kilshaw failed in her bid to adopt American twins and now wants IVF at 57

Judith Kilshaw is hoping for the inside track on Sir Elton John’s baby son Zachary when we meet. ‘Who do you think the ­father is?’ she asks, referring to news that both ­Elton and his partner David Furnish ­‘contributed’ to the child’s conception.
‘I’m not sure whether it was David Furnish’s sperm or Elton’s,’ she continues. ‘Do you know? Perhaps it was a ­mixture of them both, but I wouldn’t have left it to chance.
‘If you were having someone’s sperm, which one would you go for? The one with no money or the one with money? The one with talent or without talent? I know which one I’d choose.’
I bet she does.
Judith, remember, was vilified as the most hated mother in Britain after she and her former ­husband Alan paid an unscrupulous baby broker in the U.S. £8,200 to adopt six-month-old, mixed-race American twins Belinda and Kimberley, who were put up for sale on the internet.
At the time, Tony Blair called the adoption deal ‘disgusting’ and weeks after their arrival in Britain, Flintshire social services seized the twins. They were returned to the U.S. after a High Court judge annulled the adoption, branding the Kilshaws ‘media obsessed’ with no genuine concern for the twins’ welfare.
The controversial legal battle cost the couple everything — the babies, their jobs, their £230,000 farmhouse in Buckley, North Wales, and their 14-year-marriage.
You might have thought Judith had had a stomach full of notoriety. But it seems not. Now, on the tenth anniversary of the scandal surrounding the twins — bought for the price of a Fiat Panda — Judith, 57, has decided she wants to go to Italy for IVF treatment.
‘It’s getting later and later,’ she says. ‘I think it would be nice to cement our relationship.’ By our, she means her ­relationship with her new husband Stephen Sillett, who is 13 years her junior and whom she married in April 2009. Or at least I think she means Stephen.
To my surprise, her ex-husband is here too, in the Silletts’ cramped terrace home near Wrexham in North Wales. They are, they say, the best of friends after Alan gave Judith away at her wedding to Stephen.
‘I didn’t actually leave the marriage,’ says Judith. ‘We’re all here together. It’s an absolutely unique situation.’
It certainly is, but back to the IVF. Why on earth would a woman of 57, with four children from two earlier marriages, want a baby?
‘I guess it’s my way of proving I was right all the time,’ she says. ‘The social services deemed we were not good enough to look after two girls, but we were.’
Oh, so I presume she was heartbroken when the little girls were taken from her. Does she miss them?
‘No,’ says Judith. ‘Time’s moved on. They’re in America [the twins live with foster parents in a quiet ­suburb of St Louis, Missouri] and we’re in Britain. There’s no point missing them.’
So why IVF? Her answer is both bizarre and deeply chilling.
‘You’ve probably got a good career, plenty of cash and your life’s sorted,’ she says. ‘Not everybody’s lives are like that. I wanted to go on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here with Christine Hamilton.
‘We were in a question-and-answer session with the Hamiltons once. I stood up and said to her: “People often call me the poor man’s Christine Hamilton. Do they ever call you the rich man’s Judith Kilshaw?” The whole place fell about.
‘Being in the jungle with her would have been interesting to me — or Wife Swap.’
What? Is Judith ­actually saying she wants a baby to forge a media career? Surely she’s pulling my leg — but, no, she’s not. She continues: ‘It’ll only happen if this case comes off.’
Ah yes, the case. The Kilshaws, you see, are seeking damages from their local authority Flintshire County Council for what they say is the unlawful removal of their adopted children.
Owing to the privacy laws in cases involving children, it’s not possible to go into the exact whys and wherefores here, but suffice to say Alan has enlisted the support of his local Tory Welsh Assembly member and has a file of letters from the authority, which he claims gives weight to his charge of a cover-up.
‘I’d like a review of the case and I’d like the irregularities that I believe went on to be looked into,’ says Alan. ‘If they’re proven to have gone on, first I’d like a high-profile apology and, secondly, it needs to be looked into how this has affected my life. It has, very seriously.
‘It’s ruined my career [Alan, a ­housing law solicitor was struck off by The Law Society following the furore] and it’s affected my health. I now ­suffer with diabetes. One of the main causes of diabetes is stress.
‘I also have high blood pressure, ­cholesterol problems, high blood sugar — a whole range of things that are all interlinked.’ So how much compensation is he seeking? Judith chips in. ‘Very much,’ she says. ‘I want £1million for me and the same for Alan.’
Stephen, who’s sitting next to Judith on an oversized leather sofa in this ­cluttered sitting room, perks up: ‘I’ve seen examples of the aggressive behaviour Judith has had to put up with. We’ve had people shout things like “childnappers” and “you’re that ’effing Kilshaw woman”.
‘The abuse Alan and Judith have had to endure because of what’s ­happened is ­terrible. Alan’s been very affected. I feel sorry for the bloke. He’s my best friend.’
Alan continues: ‘The thing is, once the media goes away after something like this, the individual is left to pick up the pieces and that’s very hard.
‘You find yourself in a state of limbo. Obviously there are people from The X Factor or Big Brother who end up making media careers, and if you can get to that point that’s fine. But we didn’t have that chance.’
He reflects for a moment. ‘I ­remember some bloke saying we were the third most highly recognised ­people in the world.’ The world? Surely not. Judith jumps in: ‘We were in an Indian restaurant in Bishop’s Castle and they got all the chefs out, the washers-up, everybody, saying: “Come and meet them. Come and meet them.” We got invited out to Bengal.
There were thousands of letters, too. I burnt some. I got to recognise the regulars’ handwriting. But when Angelina Jolie or Madonna adopt a child, they’re put in OK Magazine and on the telly. What’s wrong with me doing it?
‘Are you saying that if a child is in India and living on a tip, eating off a tip, working and being exploited, that’s morally better than somebody giving them a home that wants them?’
No. But come on, what sort of ­person adopts a child, or attempts IVF for that matter, as a career move?
Stephen, who also has two ­children from a previous relationship and runs his own cleaning business, interjects: ‘Tony Blair uses his children. Anyway, Judith is a very moral person. She can’t stand injustice.’
Judith nods solemnly: ‘I’m Saint Judith, patron saint of lost causes.’ Strewth. I can honestly say in 20-odd years of journalism I have never encountered such a deluded woman.
But the ­chilling truth is, in this bonkers age of kiss-and-tell celebrity not to mention an unregulated international baby and IVF market, she might just get what she wants. God forbid.
Judith’s saintliness, you see, doesn’t really extend to responsible ­parenting. In fact, it’s fair to say, she doesn’t seem to have a maternal bone in her body.
She already has four children, James, 17, and Rupert, 14, from her marriage to Alan, and two grown-up daughters, Louisa, 31, and her 28-year-old sister Caley.
But she walked out on the boys five years ago to set up home with Stephen, whom she met in a ­Chester nightclub, and hasn’t spoken to her daughters in years.
‘Oh, Caley was an absolute ­tragedy,’ she says. ‘She was spoilt to death — ­disrespectful, spoilt. Everything she saw she demanded. She had 16 horses. She’d get one horse, love it and a week later it would be too big, too fast, too small.’
I wonder where she is now. ‘She’s, what do you call her, an alien in America. She’s in ­Seattle as far as we know, but we don’t know for sure. I haven’t spoken to her for four years. The other one’s in Preston, or Prescott is it?’
And the boys?
‘I asked them if they wanted to come with me or stay with their dad. I suppose it was just ­easier for them to stay.’
Don’t you miss them? ‘No.’ But they’re your children. You gave birth to them. ‘Oh, James was a horrendous baby,’ she says. ‘Put Alan off babies for life, didn’t it? He never stopped crying. Rupert was better.
‘When I was pregnant with him I thought he was a girl. I’ve actually found out the sex is decided later in the ­pregnancy. So he was a girl and he became a boy later. I don’t know how long it takes.’
Which is, of course, complete ­nonsense. Anyway, back to the adoption. Given her — well, let’s say lukewarm — response to motherhood, why adopt twin girls?
‘We didn’t ask for twins, and we didn’t specifically ask for a baby,’ she says. ‘We said we wanted a child who could be up to probably five, but we didn’t want to take someone who was 12 and settled in America.
‘I wanted a sister for the boys because Alan always wished he’d had a sister. So we thought it would be nice for both of them.
‘When we heard it was twins, we thought: “Well, we might as well have two.” If you’re making one ­bottle, you can just as easily make another.
‘Don’t forget, I had an army of people to help me — my mum, Caley, the cleaner, child minders, nannies. Yes, an army of people. I suppose a bit like Elton John.
‘When we got to San Diego to pick them up, I just felt relief. We’d flown on a tin-can plane from ­Chicago to San Diego and I’d gone deaf in my ears. We were knackered.
‘Can you believe the birth mother wanted us to have them that night? We’d flown for 12 hours with no sleep, but she insisted.
‘She said: “They’ll be good. They won’t cry.” But they did.
‘Alan was trying to get away from the noise by climbing into the wardrobe at one time, weren’t you? He was that tired.’
Alan nods: ‘We were accused of all kinds of things and found out once the case was ­finished that these children suffered from a condition called ­reactive attachment ­disorder, ­meaning they failed to bond with their parents.
‘They’d been passed around so much. We were accused of ­damaging them, but we couldn’t have done because they’d already been harmed.’ This is said with the lack of ­emotion that one might speak of a faulty clutch.
So how did they feel when the babies were taken from their care?
Alan says: ‘I was angry. We paid for the facility to adopt them. We’d had a private home study [where ­private agencies rather than social workers carried out investigations into their suitability to adopt] and hadn’t done anything illegal.’
Following legislation brought in by the then Labour government, such private adoptions are now ­illegal in this country.
‘I do think, though, that Judith handled some of the press badly. [She had a scuffle with a newspaper reporter.] What made me depressed is it just seemed impossible to change what people were thinking and writing. People have said to me: “Why do you keep doing stuff with the media?” The answer is I wanted them to get the real me.
‘If the press had been decent and written what they should have ­written, everything would have been so much easier.’
I’m sure. So, in the interests of decent ­journalism, let’s clear up one little question. Which relationship is Judith hoping to cement with the IVF treatment? ‘IVF,’ roars Stephen. ‘That’s news to me. I don’t think I’d be ­interested in being a father.’
Crikey. What about you, Alan?
‘I think once you get beyond the age of 50, you should leave it alone. It gets to the point where it gets irresponsible,’ he says — which is the first sensible thing that’s been uttered in the past two hours.
Then he adds: ‘But never say never.’ Oh dear, haven’t these two learned any lessons in the past ten years?
‘Oh yes,’ says Alan. ‘When people have said: “If you had your time again is there anything you’d do ­differently?”, I’ve always said: “Yes, there’s one thing. I’d have got an agent involved. Someone like Max Clifford.” ’ Enough said.



By REBECCA HARDY