Very Stupid UFO

As you can hear in this audio record, a Delta pilot spotted an UFO at New York's JFK airport this Sunday. Allegedly, the object was a "paraglider" who landed illegally, and then took off on a potential collision course:

DAL164: Hey, do you see something over the... looks like a guy on a paraglider.. almost over the approach, er, the threshold of two-two right?

...

Looks like he hit the ground, dropped something off.

...

Now he's airborne again. I guess is it ah, looks like some guy on a parachute.

The question is: What the hell was he or she dropping? Why nobody has found the dropped object yet—if there was actually anything? Air, land, and sea police searches didn't find any traces of this very stupid and insane person. Or whatever it was, because for now it's just "unidentified."

Thankfully, nothing happened as it climbed higher than 1,000 feet across JFK's busy air traffic.

Native Twitter Location Data Means More Stalker Power With Every Tweet

Twitter's API just got a new piece of awesome: native location data. Before, apps had to jury-rig location schemes, but now location data can be natively baked into every tweet.

Twitter + true location is going to be insanely powerful and possibly take Twitter to a whole new level. The API will let developers couple latitude and longitude with any tweet, so your friends can know where you're chomping on that delicious burger—or a whole mess of other things.

It is opt-in, though, so don't freak out, in case you were. (If you use Twitter, I don't know why you would, actually.) But you might as well get used to the idea of people knowing where you are—it's simply inevitable with the evolution of location-oriented apps. Location is the next thing, whether you like it or not. So enjoy opting out while you can. After all, how else are they gonna target you with those location-based ads?

MRI Video of Two People Having Sex Is, Uh, Really Something

Back in 1999, Pek Van Andel and three of his colleagues did a research study to take MRI images of a couple having sex. Now, the video is on the internet. Oh my.

It's sure not the sexiest piece of footage I've ever seen, but it's interesting. I guess? What's great is that the researchers were pretty upfront about there being no real point to this study other than just seeing if they could do it. Look at their objective!

Objective: To find out whether taking images of the male and female genitals during coitus is feasible and to find out whether former and current ideas about the anatomy during sexual intercourse and during female sexual arousal are based on assumptions or on facts.

This is exactly the kind of thing we'd do if you gave us any kind of equipment—test the limits of it. Also, can you imagine trying to have sex in an MRI tube? That's got to make the back seat of a compact car feel like a king-size bed by comparison.

Now that sex is done, we need to start the MRI on other bodily functions. Urination, defecation...I guess that's it.

50th Wedding Anniversary

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, when Jack asks his wife, “Betty, have you ever cheated on me?”
Betty replies, “Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question.”
“Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please.”
“Well, all right. Yes, three times…”
“Three?!? Well, when were they?” he asked.
“Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years-old and you really wanted to start a business on your own, and no bank would give you a loan? But, then one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?”
“Oh, Betty, you did that for me? I guess I can’t be too upset about that. Well, when was number 2?”
“Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and needed that very risky operation that no surgeon was willing to perform? And, remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to perform the surgery himself?”
“Betty, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life. To do such a thing, you must truly love me darling. How can I be upset with that?”
“So, all right then, when was number 3?”
“Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 375 votes short?”

Robot Crawls Through Veins to Heal You

A new robot, just one millimeter in diameter, can crawl through your veins to treat arterial blockage or deliver targeted medication.

Developed by researchers from Israel's Technion University, what makes the robot feasible is that it isn't self-propelled, saving size and engineering complication. Instead, the bot takes advantage of a magnetic field from outside the body, meaning that doctors can not only guide but also propel the the vein crawler forward at 9mm/second. And the robot shouldn't run out of power mid-procedure, stalling it in your body as it drifts for your brain.

When the robot needs to park, those little arms can spring out and grab onto vessel walls.

Now researchers are looking at beefing up the bot, adding extra tools and even a camera to the mix. And as scary as a robot-filmed reality show starring my aorta may be, it sounds a lot better than having several layers of flesh peeled away via scalpel.

S.A.T. TEST QUESTIONS

The following questions and answers were actually collected from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students!
(Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the US President someday!)

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. (dead sheep and canoeists??? ??)

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. (hey technically this is correct)

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome .

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs

Who On Earth Can Order a $47,000 Solid Gold Penis Enlarger?

A Saudi businessman with a small penis, that's who. According to X4 Labs—a Canadian company that creates this kind of devices—their customer has ordered what may be the most expensive adult sex aid ever, made of pure gold.

The company will use solid gold to create the device, with 40 diamonds and rubies encrusted all across its surface. Hopefully, not in contact with the skin. The order will arrive in October in an armored car, despite it being prohibited to own sexual devices in Saudi Arabia. Happily, this is classified as a "medically certified device" in the US. Sadly, having it made of gold and precious stones won't help his peepee grow any longer!