Jacqueline Gold likes to joke that she has lived her whole life "backwards". At 48, at the peak of an enormously successful career – she is CEO of Gold Group International (which owns Ann Summers) and one of the most powerful women in British retailing – she is about to fulfil a dream that she put on hold as a young woman. Finally, at an age when most women are approaching menopause, Jacqueline is settling into her first pregnancy.
"I left home when I was 18, got married when I was 20 and started the business when I was 21 – all things that people tend to do later in life. I did the partying that most people do in their 20s in my 30s after my marriage broke down and of course here I am at 48 – five months pregnant and engaged to be married," she says, placing a small, manicured hand on the bump that already dominates her 5ft 2in frame.
Delicately pretty and softly spoken, it is difficult to believe that this woman is responsible for turning the male-dominated business started by her father David into a female-friendly preserve with a £115 million annual gross turnover. She attributes her business success to a combination of hard work, determination and creativity; qualities, she admits with a rueful smile, that she has also had to draw on in her quest to start a family.
Because, like a great many other ambitious women of her generation, Jacqueline always felt that she would have children "when the time felt right". But when it finally did – seven years ago when she met her banker fiancé Dan Cunningham, 31 – she was in her forties and infertility had become a major issue.
"I feel that evolution hasn't kept up with women," she says. "We live longer, we are healthier, we have careers and we are just not ready to have babies at the age of 20. I think it's such a shame that our bodies haven't evolved with us so that we can be fertile longer"
Jacqueline and Dan embarked on their first round of IVF in 2002 at a private clinic near the home they share in Kent. It was not a happy experience and when it failed they went to Britain's leading private IVF unit at the Lister Hospital in London where they had two more unsuccessful attempts. "The strain that IVF puts on your relationship is just incredible," she says. "It is a hard process and the disappointment when it fails is so overwhelming that a lot of couples have problems, and in 2006 it affected Dan and I so badly that we parted for a while."
When they got back together they decided to try IVF once more but this time they would go to America where the process is more advanced. "We had all the appointments over the phone here in the UK and all the medical checks and blood tests were done here and the results faxed over to the clinic in San Francisco. It wasn't until the end of three months that we finally flew out to the States late last August for the IVF."
They flew home shortly after the procedure unaware of whether or not they had been successful. Ten days later Jacqueline went for the blood test that would – when the results had been faxed through to America – reveal if she was pregnant.
"I remember driving to the hospital to have that test and being so nervous and so tense that I couldn't see properly, it was as if my sight had been impaired. I had the test at 8.30 in the morning but because of the time delay I had to wait until the evening for the result to come through. Dan and I sat by my computer in my office in absolute agony and it was just incredible when that email came through and it said 'Congratulations you are pregnant'."
Jacqueline admits that for the first few weeks of her pregnancy her elation was tempered by the fear that she might miscarry. But at 12 weeks – at the point at which she was beginning to feel safe – doctors discovered a problem.
"I am carrying twins but sadly one of them will not make it," she says. "When we found out it was devastating because even at that early stage you are very attached. I know people will say 'Yes but you have still got one healthy baby' but it doesn't work like that. It took me a while to come to terms with it. I took a few days off work and then I pulled myself together and thought 'OK, now I have got to concentrate on the healthy baby, that is my priority'."
The rare complication in Jacqueline's pregnancy means that she has to be very closely monitored, and scanned every two weeks.
"When we found out we were given the choice to have a selective termination immediately but because that would put the other baby at risk we decided to leave things as they were. At the moment they are planning on leaving me until I am 32 weeks, and then doing a selective reduction. But I may have to go to full term, which could be quite an emotional and traumatic experience."
It is a measure of Jacqueline's courage that she is prepared to talk openly about the problems she faces in her first pregnancy. She hopes that her story will inspire other women who may have had a negative IVF experience to pursue their dream. The fact that her own successful IVF outcome has brought with it new anxieties doesn't, she insists, make it any less exciting. She is absolutely determined to enjoy the experience of pregnancy.
"It's really strange but I just have this very good feeling. I know I face lots of challenges along the way but I am very positive. At first when I used to talk about the baby to Dan he would stop me and say 'let's not get ahead of ourselves'. We got to the point where I said [to Dan] 'I think if things go wrong we will be really devastated but I don't want to get to the end of my pregnancy and think all I did was worry when I should have been relishing every moment of being pregnant'."
Jacqueline is still nervous about thinking too far in the future – she and Dan decided not to know the sex of their healthy baby because they think the surprise will add excitement and ease the pain of what could be a difficult birth –- but she longs to be a mother. She will continue as CEO of the company but with the right help – and an office at home – she wants to be "totally" involved in raising her child.
She will have reached the age of 60 by the time her child is 12, but says that she is not concerned by the fact that she will be a pensioner while her child is an adolescent – or about society's unease about older mothers. "I think I will be a good mother," she says. "I don't want that to sound big-headed or arrogant. Some people might be concerned about my age but I believe I have much more to give a child now than I would have done when I was 20. The biggest part of me wants to give my child love, warmth and the security of a happy childhood. I will just be so lucky to have the chance to do that.
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