Book Report

Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic:... Cost - $29.99
Clinton:....Cost - $29.99

Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:..... Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:.....The story of Jack & Rose,their forbidden love, & subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:.....The story of Bill & Monica,their forbidden love,& subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:.... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:.....Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic:.....In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:.....Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:..... Let's not go there.

Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:..... Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:......Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:......Monica... ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:......Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing.

I miss Bill Clinton!

It doesn't matter what party you belong to - this is hilarious.

From a show on Canadian TV, there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton.

"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.

Number 1 - He played the sax.

Number 2 - He smoked weed.

Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women.

Even now? Look at him; his wife works, and he doesn't! And,he gets a check from the government every month.

Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations' distinguished men - It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water!

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Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.
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When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I don't know, I never had one."
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The Clinton revised judicial oath:

"I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."
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Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky between the Bushes."

Finally, the true story....

If you have heard this one before then it is still worth a second read !!!

Some time ago, President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to get a replacement on short notice.

The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief of Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little funny. By the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.

It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom. Passingthrough the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his rear end, which made him feel even worse.

By now, the President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom. He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened. As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into the office of Ms.Monica Lewinsky with his trousers around his knees.

As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard the President whisper in a barely audible voice, 'Sack my cook.'

And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred...