Showing posts with label Saturday Hee Haw. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Saturday Hee Haw. Show all posts

Saturday, March 7, 2009

The Baby Skunk


A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks

her husband to stop the car.

There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see

if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we

take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"

He says, "OK, get in the car with it."

The wife says, "Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it between your legs. It's nice and warm there."

"But what about the smell?" asked the wife.

He says, "Just hold its little nose."



The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died

at the scene.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

The Polish Divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl..
Although his English was far from perfect, and they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean. What are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: 'Polish Remover'

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Doctors Never Laugh

...the Doctor replied 'Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional. In
over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.'

'Okay then,' Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the
tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen.

It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing
to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and
regain his composure.

'I'm so sorry,' said the doctor. 'I really am. I don't know what came over
me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen
again. Now, what seems to be the problem?'

'It's swollen,' Bob replied.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Anal Glaucoma

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks

"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.

What the hell is anal glaucoma?"

"I can't see my ass coming into work today"