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From Danny With Love

Gas

I fell In Love With This One

A Senior Citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible.
He took off down the road, stepping it up to 80 mph and enjoying the
wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. 'This
is great,' he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to
the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw
a highway patrol trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring.

'I can get away from him with no problem!' thought the man. He
tromped down on the accelerator and flew down the highway at 100mph.
Then 110 mph. Then 120 mph. All of a sudden he thought, 'What am I
doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing.'

He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to
catch up with him. The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and
walked up to the man. 'Sir,' he said, looking at his watch, 'My shift
ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason
why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'

The man looked at the trooper and said, 'Years ago my wife ran off
with a Florida State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back.'
The trooper replied, 'Sir, have a nice day.'

Cheap Trick

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands their money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did." The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did."

Foot-in-the-mouth Disease