Singapore Airlines

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Singapore
Airlines from Singapore to New York.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother
and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why
don't planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the
pretty flight attendant.
So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby
dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me
that?" The little boy admitted that she did.

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because
Singapore Airlines always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother
explain that to you!!!"

Relationships Today

Puppy

Marketing by Dogbert

Airline Cuts

Fluctuations

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank teller line.
Just one lady in front of me. . .an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated . . .
She asked the teller, "Why it change?? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations".
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people, too!"

UK Couple told to cool off over noisy sex romps

A cavorting couple who have noisy sex sessions for up to four hours are driving the neighbours bonkers. And after a series of complaints, the marathon romps have caused council chiefs to slap a noise abatement order on Steve and Caroline Cartwright to stop them from shouting and screaming during their late night and early morning love-making.
For two years, neighbours have been getting their knickers in a twist over the prolonged noise. The lengthy escapades have led to over 25 visits from the police and the pair have been arrested twice for causing a nuisance to neighbours and people passing by their open bedroom window. Police have monitored the situation and council environmental officers have frequently measured the sound level coming from the couple’s upstairs bedroom.
Today the couple defended their actions and spoke to the Chronicle about their antics. From their terraced home in Hall Road, Concord, Washington, Caroline said: “I must admit I do scream and make lots of noise when we are having sex, but I can’t help it.”


What the couple said

Caroline said: "I removed the bed’s headboard when a neighbour complained. That stopped the banging on the wall but I can’t stop screaming.
"Apparently I’m so loud people think I’m getting murdered. The police said they have called around because they have feared for my safety.
"We are not using whips or anything like that, we are just making love. Admittedly, we do it with quite a bit of noise.
"We have had threats and people shouting at us when we go outside because of the noise we make. We have upset a number of people. We understand even the postman made a complaint to the police."
Caroline, 47, who is unemployed, added: "Before Christmas last year we were arrested twice. Once we were cautioned and the second time the Crown Prosecution Service dropped the case because they said our love-making was at night.
"Once one neighbour recorded our noises and we had to go to the Sunderland City Council offices at the Civic Centre to listen to the tape. I couldn’t stop laughing. I really couldn’t take it seriously and I’m sure that is why a noise abatement order was taken out against us.
"It prevents me from screaming and shouting at such a level that I’m a nuisance. We have been told to close the windows and doors when we do it but it is hot at the moment so we have to leave the window open.
"We found out 23 years ago that we were having difficulties in conceiving a child so we started to have fertility treatment. Sex became a bit of a chore because you try so hard to conceive, but after I turned 37 we decided to stop trying with IVF because we would have to go private and start paying for the treatment and we couldn’t afford it.
"After that we just started enjoying the sex for what it is and we do it mostly at night for up to four hours, but more recently we have been falling asleep watching the TV and so we wake up early in the morning to do it instead.
"I used to be in a size 30 dress and now I’m in a size 18. I’ve lost six stones, it must be the amount of sex we are having, it’s good exercise.
"The neighbours keep complaining and we have even had our car vandalised, causing £2,000 of damage. People have thrown beer cans and pizza up at the window when they hear us. We enjoy sex and that’s all there is to it."
Steve, 46, a factory worker, said: "We have been married for 24 years and we still have sex all the time. I would say that is a good thing. I bet there are not that many couples who have been together for as long as we have who can say that.
"We like having sex, there’s nothing wrong with that."

What neighbours said

Neighbours complain that the pair sometimes leave the bedroom window open but even when it is shut they can still hear them having sex.
A neighbour, who didn’t want to be identified, said: "When it first started it was a bit of a giggle but it’s no laughing matter now.
"We’ve heard them having sex, her moaning and groaning, early in the morning, early in the evening and late at night.
"They just don’t seem to care and when I approached them about it they just shrugged their shoulders and said they were doing nothing wrong, that it was none of our business.
"But people who pass the house, especially children, can also hear them. I once saw a group of young lads standing outside on a Saturday night listening and laughing."
Another neighbour, who also didn’t want to be named, said: "Everyone is entitled to their private life but the noise is disgusting and it usually lasts a very long time.
"They just don’t seem to care. Something has to be done about it."
A resident from nearby Manor Park said families on the estate were aware of the complaints. The man, who wanted to remain anonymous, said: "When I go to the nearby shops I have to pass the couple’s house and I can hear them. They make a lot of noise, especially her.
"I can do my shopping and as I come home I can still hear them at it".


Police and council say

Sunderland City Council and Northumbria Police said in a joint statement: "Neighbours have complained to both Sunderland City Council and Northumbria Police of nuisance behaviour from the occupiers of the property.
"We have investigated the complaints and have attempted to solve the problem both formally and informally.
"Due to ongoing concerns, the council is now considering the most appropriate form of action to prevent further disturbance to local residents."
The spokeswoman declined to say what action was being considered.

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An Employee - Contemporary Art

Me

Visual Humor

Carry on Doctor

The Newspaper Article Is Funnier Than The Signboard

Medical School

First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.

All gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them calmly and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."