Hello... am I speaking with India??

These answers are the actual responses to the questions on a Indie-Travel website posted by those who are planning a visit to India.


Q:Does it ever get windy in India ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow?(someone from UK ).
A:We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q:Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A:Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Delhi to Goa - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A:Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India ? ( Sweden )
A:So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q:Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India ? Can you send me a list of them in Delhi , Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore ? ( UK )
A:What did your last slave die of?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India ? ( USA )
A:A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa.Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in India ? ( USA )
A:Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q:Can I bring cutlery into India ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q:Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? ( France )
A:Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q:Can I wear high heels in India ? ( UK )
A:You're a British politician, right?

Q:Are there supermarkets in Bangalore , and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A:No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q:Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A:Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. Most Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q:Do you have perfume in India ? ( France )
A:No, actually we don't stink.

Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in India ?(USA )
A:Anywhere ...where a significant numbers of Americans like you gather.

Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in India ? ( France )
A:Only at Christmas.

Q:Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A:Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Q:Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? ( Italy )
A:As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q:Do you have Toilet paper? ( USA )
A:No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)