The following questions and answers were actually collected from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students!
(Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the US President someday!)
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. (dead sheep and canoeists??? ??)
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. (hey technically this is correct)
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome .
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Who On Earth Can Order a $47,000 Solid Gold Penis Enlarger?
A Saudi businessman with a small penis, that's who. According to X4 Labs—a Canadian company that creates this kind of devices—their customer has ordered what may be the most expensive adult sex aid ever, made of pure gold.
The company will use solid gold to create the device, with 40 diamonds and rubies encrusted all across its surface. Hopefully, not in contact with the skin. The order will arrive in October in an armored car, despite it being prohibited to own sexual devices in Saudi Arabia. Happily, this is classified as a "medically certified device" in the US. Sadly, having it made of gold and precious stones won't help his peepee grow any longer!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
IVF less successful with alternative fertility treatments
Women who are desperately trying to get pregnant might want to avoid complementary and alternative medicine.
The common belief is that it won't hurt to try alternative fertility treatments before reverting to in vitro fertilization (IVF). But a new study from Denmark finds that the success of IVF treatment is 30% lower among women who have used alternative medicine. The researchers included over 700 IVF users over a 12-month period. Women who had first tried a combination of alternative treatments, such as reflexology, acupuncture, or herbal- and aroma therapy, had significantly lower pregnancy rates after IVF treatment.
Alex Polyakov and Beverley Vollenhoven of the Faculty of Medicine emphasize the relevance of the study for IVF clinics. "It is important, when discussing IVF treatment with couples, that their use of alternative therapies is also discussed, as this may have a bearing on treatment success."
Whether the effect on IVF success is a direct result of the use of complementary medicine, or whether women who were already having more trouble conceiving were more likely to revert to alternative fertility treatments could not be determined in the present study. Nevertheless, Polyakov and Vollenhoven recommend being cautious: "Until further evidence is available, it is best to counsel couples against the use of alternative therapies when also having IVF."
The common belief is that it won't hurt to try alternative fertility treatments before reverting to in vitro fertilization (IVF). But a new study from Denmark finds that the success of IVF treatment is 30% lower among women who have used alternative medicine. The researchers included over 700 IVF users over a 12-month period. Women who had first tried a combination of alternative treatments, such as reflexology, acupuncture, or herbal- and aroma therapy, had significantly lower pregnancy rates after IVF treatment.
Alex Polyakov and Beverley Vollenhoven of the Faculty of Medicine emphasize the relevance of the study for IVF clinics. "It is important, when discussing IVF treatment with couples, that their use of alternative therapies is also discussed, as this may have a bearing on treatment success."
Whether the effect on IVF success is a direct result of the use of complementary medicine, or whether women who were already having more trouble conceiving were more likely to revert to alternative fertility treatments could not be determined in the present study. Nevertheless, Polyakov and Vollenhoven recommend being cautious: "Until further evidence is available, it is best to counsel couples against the use of alternative therapies when also having IVF."
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The Second Celine Dion Miracle
Canadian pop diva Celine Dion is pregnant with her second child. Just like their first child, the second child has also been conceived through in vitro fertilization
(IVF) at a New York clinic.
This will be the second child for the 41-year-old megastar with her 67-year-old husband-cum-manager Rene Angelil. The couple, who married in 1994, had their first child Rene-Charles nine years ago.
The pregnancy was confirmed Monday after test at the same clinic. The couple had sought medical help to conceive after Angelil was diagnosed with cancer in 1999. Since he was to be treated with radiation and chemotherapy which affect fertility, Angelil had frozen his sperm before undergoing the treatment.
In 2001, Dion had an intracytoplasmic sperm injection, in which a single sperm is injected into the egg. The couple planned to have two kids at the time. But one of the two fertilized eggs was frozen five days after conception and stored at the New York clinic at that time.
It is this frozen fertilized egg which will be the second offspring for the pop diva.
So rather than being twins, the couple's two children will now be siblings.
"Celine is very, very happy,'' Murielle Blondeau, a spokeswoman for Dion, was quoted as saying Tuesday. "Celine and Rene are full of joy. It's been a big dream for Celine to have a second child.
Local agency reports said the sex of the child is not known.
The best-selling female artist of all time, Celine Dion has sold more than 200 million albums worldwide so far.
The youngest of the 14 kids born into a poverty-stricken musical family in Quebec, Dion was guided to greatness by Angelil who sold his house to finance the young girl's first album in 1981.
The French album went on to become number one in Quebec province, paving the way for her stardom.
Dion and Angelil became lovers but kept the affair under wraps, fearing that it will be frowned upon because he was 26 years older than her. Now, their second Miracle:)
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Twin Saviour Siblings Have Arrived
Twins born following IVF (in vitro fertilisation) treatment to select embryos which would be a tissue match for their elder brother are thought to be the first incidence in the UK of multiple 'saviour siblings'. Out of just twelve licences granted by the UK's regulatory body, the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA), to permit families to use tissue typing to create a so-called saviour sibling, only this one has resulted in twins.
Laurence Maguire, 42 and Wendy Plant, 37, decided to try and have a saviour sibling when a worldwide search for a bone marrow donor for their eldest son, Connor, failed. Connor suffers from aplastic anaemia, a condition in which the immune system destroys parts of the bone marrow causing life threatening anaemia. The condition can be treated by with immunosuppressant drugs and regular blood transfusions, but the only prospect of a cure is to have a bone marrow transplant from a tissue-matched donor. Mr Maguire and Ms Plant created five embryos following IVF, two of which were found to be a tissue match for Connor and were implanted into Ms Plant.
The controversy over so-called 'saviour siblings' centres around the idea that couples might wish to have a child as a 'means to an end'. Some argue that this raises concerns over the welfare of the child, who may perhaps not feel as valued as they would if they were conceived under normal circumstances and may even be put under unreasonable pressure to 'save the life' of their sick sibling. However, speaking to the Daily Telegraph newspaper, Mr Maguire defended the family's decision to have a sibling to help their eldest son: 'Once you see your children, any notion that they are spare parts is gone. We wouldn't change anything, they are our children and we love them all. I never ever think that we didn't have the twins for the right reason.'
The twin's umbilical cord blood will be stored at St Helier Hospital in Carshalton in case their brother's condition deteriorates in the future.
Laurence Maguire, 42 and Wendy Plant, 37, decided to try and have a saviour sibling when a worldwide search for a bone marrow donor for their eldest son, Connor, failed. Connor suffers from aplastic anaemia, a condition in which the immune system destroys parts of the bone marrow causing life threatening anaemia. The condition can be treated by with immunosuppressant drugs and regular blood transfusions, but the only prospect of a cure is to have a bone marrow transplant from a tissue-matched donor. Mr Maguire and Ms Plant created five embryos following IVF, two of which were found to be a tissue match for Connor and were implanted into Ms Plant.
The controversy over so-called 'saviour siblings' centres around the idea that couples might wish to have a child as a 'means to an end'. Some argue that this raises concerns over the welfare of the child, who may perhaps not feel as valued as they would if they were conceived under normal circumstances and may even be put under unreasonable pressure to 'save the life' of their sick sibling. However, speaking to the Daily Telegraph newspaper, Mr Maguire defended the family's decision to have a sibling to help their eldest son: 'Once you see your children, any notion that they are spare parts is gone. We wouldn't change anything, they are our children and we love them all. I never ever think that we didn't have the twins for the right reason.'
The twin's umbilical cord blood will be stored at St Helier Hospital in Carshalton in case their brother's condition deteriorates in the future.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Do-it-yourself Paternity Testing Now!
A 'do-it-yourself' genetic testing kit will be available over-the-counter from chemists in the UK which allows users to send their own DNA (deoxyribonucleic acid) samples by post for paternity testing. The kits cost INR 2400 each and are produced by Anglia DNA, a company based in Norwich. Customers are required to post samples of their DNA to the company and - upon payment of a further fee of INR 10,000 - the samples will be tested in the company's laboratory. The results are then produced within five days - or within 24 hours if customers opt for the express service costing INR 3000. The test is designed to confirm the paternity of an alleged father but the results will not be legally binding in paternity disputes in the courts.
Anglia DNA must comply with consent requirements for DNA analysis under the Human Tissue Act 2004 and it says that it also follows guidelines issued by the British Medical Association on over-the-counter genetic tests. Both adults must sign a consent form to be returned with the DNA samples and then this will be followed up with a telephone call to confirm the parties understand the consequences of the procedure. The consent of the child is usually obtained via the mother, the company said.
Liberal Democrat MP Norman Lamb says he is writing to the Human Tissue Authority (HTA) to ask for clarification on how such over-the-counter products are regulated. 'There's a question about whether the regulatory system keeps pace with changes in technology and whether there's a need to change the rules in which this sort of product can operate,' he said. Mr Lamb expressed concerns that the tests could encourage users to adopt a more 'casual' attitude to paternity testing: 'On the face of it, I don't oppose the idea of people having a right to know what their parentage is... but I can also see there are potential negative consequences and risk of a casual attitude to having a child.' The increasing availability of DNA testing and the improvement of the technology has thrown up the question of how such tests should be regulated, said Mr Lamb, calling upon the government and the HTA to address the issue.
Anglia DNA is the first company to test customers' DNA on UK soil. Last month, International Biosciences announced it was also distributing over-the-counter DNA testing kits to UK chemists but it sent the samples to the United States for testing.
Tom Howell, business development manager at Anglia DNA, said the company takes the issue of consent very seriously and defended supplying the kits over the counter. 'DNA testing used to exist online but now people can buy kits from an environment they feel comfortable with,' he said, adding: 'It takes away doubts and concerns and means people can move on with their lives. It is rare that people get back results that they do not expect.' Anglia DNA managing director, Dr Thomas Haizel said, 'It's great to have been able finally to launch the product and we hope the UK consumer will find great confidence in knowing this is a product developed for the UK market with all the testing done in a UK laboratory.'
Anglia DNA must comply with consent requirements for DNA analysis under the Human Tissue Act 2004 and it says that it also follows guidelines issued by the British Medical Association on over-the-counter genetic tests. Both adults must sign a consent form to be returned with the DNA samples and then this will be followed up with a telephone call to confirm the parties understand the consequences of the procedure. The consent of the child is usually obtained via the mother, the company said.
Liberal Democrat MP Norman Lamb says he is writing to the Human Tissue Authority (HTA) to ask for clarification on how such over-the-counter products are regulated. 'There's a question about whether the regulatory system keeps pace with changes in technology and whether there's a need to change the rules in which this sort of product can operate,' he said. Mr Lamb expressed concerns that the tests could encourage users to adopt a more 'casual' attitude to paternity testing: 'On the face of it, I don't oppose the idea of people having a right to know what their parentage is... but I can also see there are potential negative consequences and risk of a casual attitude to having a child.' The increasing availability of DNA testing and the improvement of the technology has thrown up the question of how such tests should be regulated, said Mr Lamb, calling upon the government and the HTA to address the issue.
Anglia DNA is the first company to test customers' DNA on UK soil. Last month, International Biosciences announced it was also distributing over-the-counter DNA testing kits to UK chemists but it sent the samples to the United States for testing.
Tom Howell, business development manager at Anglia DNA, said the company takes the issue of consent very seriously and defended supplying the kits over the counter. 'DNA testing used to exist online but now people can buy kits from an environment they feel comfortable with,' he said, adding: 'It takes away doubts and concerns and means people can move on with their lives. It is rare that people get back results that they do not expect.' Anglia DNA managing director, Dr Thomas Haizel said, 'It's great to have been able finally to launch the product and we hope the UK consumer will find great confidence in knowing this is a product developed for the UK market with all the testing done in a UK laboratory.'
Sunday, August 16, 2009
The Fertility Time-Bomb is Ticking!
Many women are risking their chances of being able to have children by leaving it too late, according to Bill Ledger, Professor of Obstetrics and Gynaecology at the UK's University of Sheffield. He told the Daily Telegraph newspaper that women who chose to delay motherhood until their 30s and beyond in order to establish their careers were ignoring the implications this could have for their fertility.
Professor Ledger recommends that women planing to start a family later in life have a fertility test at the age of thirty to help gauge how quickly their fertility is declining. He helped to develop a test, launched in 2006, called the 'Plan Ahead Kit' which works out the number of eggs that a woman has left in her ovaries. From this, it predicts the woman's 'ovarian reserve' for the following two years. Professor Ledger believes the test, which costs INR 16,000 could help women make more informed reproductive choices and conceive naturally.
However, Dr Gillian Lockwood, medical director of Midland Fertility Services and vice president of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists' ethics committee, and Tony Rutherford, chair of the British Fertility Society, have both voiced concerns that tests could also create a false sense of security, as egg reserves are not the only factor involved in getting pregnant naturally.
Professor Ledger said that too many women were relying on the availability of IVF as a fallback, not realising that the treatment was not freely available on the National Health Service (NHS) in the majority of cases. Last week a report showed that eight out of ten primary care trusts were failing to provide the recommended three cycles of IVF to women under 40 on the NHS.
Speaking to the Observer newspaper, Dr Mark Hamilton, the leading consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist at Aberdeen Maternity Hospital and former chairman of the British Fertility Society, made further calls for a campaign to raise awareness of fertility issues in primary and secondary schools: 'Sexual health messages focus entirely on avoidance of sex, but this should be coupled with promotion of fertility awareness. We should be teaching everyone, from childhood up, about all the factors linked to fertility potential, and how the huge range of things from lifestyle choices to genetic inheritance can have harmful effects on that potential.'
The average age for women to start a family is now over thirty and has been steadily increasing for decades. Research shows that fertility halves by the age of 35 and declines steadily thereafter.
Professor Ledger recommends that women planing to start a family later in life have a fertility test at the age of thirty to help gauge how quickly their fertility is declining. He helped to develop a test, launched in 2006, called the 'Plan Ahead Kit' which works out the number of eggs that a woman has left in her ovaries. From this, it predicts the woman's 'ovarian reserve' for the following two years. Professor Ledger believes the test, which costs INR 16,000 could help women make more informed reproductive choices and conceive naturally.
However, Dr Gillian Lockwood, medical director of Midland Fertility Services and vice president of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists' ethics committee, and Tony Rutherford, chair of the British Fertility Society, have both voiced concerns that tests could also create a false sense of security, as egg reserves are not the only factor involved in getting pregnant naturally.
Professor Ledger said that too many women were relying on the availability of IVF as a fallback, not realising that the treatment was not freely available on the National Health Service (NHS) in the majority of cases. Last week a report showed that eight out of ten primary care trusts were failing to provide the recommended three cycles of IVF to women under 40 on the NHS.
Speaking to the Observer newspaper, Dr Mark Hamilton, the leading consultant obstetrician and gynaecologist at Aberdeen Maternity Hospital and former chairman of the British Fertility Society, made further calls for a campaign to raise awareness of fertility issues in primary and secondary schools: 'Sexual health messages focus entirely on avoidance of sex, but this should be coupled with promotion of fertility awareness. We should be teaching everyone, from childhood up, about all the factors linked to fertility potential, and how the huge range of things from lifestyle choices to genetic inheritance can have harmful effects on that potential.'
The average age for women to start a family is now over thirty and has been steadily increasing for decades. Research shows that fertility halves by the age of 35 and declines steadily thereafter.
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