Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, when Jack asks his wife, “Betty, have you ever cheated on me?”
Betty replies, “Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question.”
“Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please.”
“Well, all right. Yes, three times…”
“Three?!? Well, when were they?” he asked.
“Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years-old and you really wanted to start a business on your own, and no bank would give you a loan? But, then one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?”
“Oh, Betty, you did that for me? I guess I can’t be too upset about that. Well, when was number 2?”
“Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and needed that very risky operation that no surgeon was willing to perform? And, remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to perform the surgery himself?”
“Betty, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life. To do such a thing, you must truly love me darling. How can I be upset with that?”
“So, all right then, when was number 3?”
“Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 375 votes short?”
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Robot Crawls Through Veins to Heal You
A new robot, just one millimeter in diameter, can crawl through your veins to treat arterial blockage or deliver targeted medication.
Developed by researchers from Israel's Technion University, what makes the robot feasible is that it isn't self-propelled, saving size and engineering complication. Instead, the bot takes advantage of a magnetic field from outside the body, meaning that doctors can not only guide but also propel the the vein crawler forward at 9mm/second. And the robot shouldn't run out of power mid-procedure, stalling it in your body as it drifts for your brain.
When the robot needs to park, those little arms can spring out and grab onto vessel walls.
Now researchers are looking at beefing up the bot, adding extra tools and even a camera to the mix. And as scary as a robot-filmed reality show starring my aorta may be, it sounds a lot better than having several layers of flesh peeled away via scalpel.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
S.A.T. TEST QUESTIONS
The following questions and answers were actually collected from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students!
(Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the US President someday!)
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. (dead sheep and canoeists??? ??)
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. (hey technically this is correct)
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome .
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs
(Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the US President someday!)
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. (dead sheep and canoeists??? ??)
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. (hey technically this is correct)
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome .
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs
Friday, August 21, 2009
Who On Earth Can Order a $47,000 Solid Gold Penis Enlarger?
A Saudi businessman with a small penis, that's who. According to X4 Labs—a Canadian company that creates this kind of devices—their customer has ordered what may be the most expensive adult sex aid ever, made of pure gold.
The company will use solid gold to create the device, with 40 diamonds and rubies encrusted all across its surface. Hopefully, not in contact with the skin. The order will arrive in October in an armored car, despite it being prohibited to own sexual devices in Saudi Arabia. Happily, this is classified as a "medically certified device" in the US. Sadly, having it made of gold and precious stones won't help his peepee grow any longer!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
IVF less successful with alternative fertility treatments
Women who are desperately trying to get pregnant might want to avoid complementary and alternative medicine.
The common belief is that it won't hurt to try alternative fertility treatments before reverting to in vitro fertilization (IVF). But a new study from Denmark finds that the success of IVF treatment is 30% lower among women who have used alternative medicine. The researchers included over 700 IVF users over a 12-month period. Women who had first tried a combination of alternative treatments, such as reflexology, acupuncture, or herbal- and aroma therapy, had significantly lower pregnancy rates after IVF treatment.
Alex Polyakov and Beverley Vollenhoven of the Faculty of Medicine emphasize the relevance of the study for IVF clinics. "It is important, when discussing IVF treatment with couples, that their use of alternative therapies is also discussed, as this may have a bearing on treatment success."
Whether the effect on IVF success is a direct result of the use of complementary medicine, or whether women who were already having more trouble conceiving were more likely to revert to alternative fertility treatments could not be determined in the present study. Nevertheless, Polyakov and Vollenhoven recommend being cautious: "Until further evidence is available, it is best to counsel couples against the use of alternative therapies when also having IVF."
The common belief is that it won't hurt to try alternative fertility treatments before reverting to in vitro fertilization (IVF). But a new study from Denmark finds that the success of IVF treatment is 30% lower among women who have used alternative medicine. The researchers included over 700 IVF users over a 12-month period. Women who had first tried a combination of alternative treatments, such as reflexology, acupuncture, or herbal- and aroma therapy, had significantly lower pregnancy rates after IVF treatment.
Alex Polyakov and Beverley Vollenhoven of the Faculty of Medicine emphasize the relevance of the study for IVF clinics. "It is important, when discussing IVF treatment with couples, that their use of alternative therapies is also discussed, as this may have a bearing on treatment success."
Whether the effect on IVF success is a direct result of the use of complementary medicine, or whether women who were already having more trouble conceiving were more likely to revert to alternative fertility treatments could not be determined in the present study. Nevertheless, Polyakov and Vollenhoven recommend being cautious: "Until further evidence is available, it is best to counsel couples against the use of alternative therapies when also having IVF."
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
The Second Celine Dion Miracle
Canadian pop diva Celine Dion is pregnant with her second child. Just like their first child, the second child has also been conceived through in vitro fertilization
(IVF) at a New York clinic.
This will be the second child for the 41-year-old megastar with her 67-year-old husband-cum-manager Rene Angelil. The couple, who married in 1994, had their first child Rene-Charles nine years ago.
The pregnancy was confirmed Monday after test at the same clinic. The couple had sought medical help to conceive after Angelil was diagnosed with cancer in 1999. Since he was to be treated with radiation and chemotherapy which affect fertility, Angelil had frozen his sperm before undergoing the treatment.
In 2001, Dion had an intracytoplasmic sperm injection, in which a single sperm is injected into the egg. The couple planned to have two kids at the time. But one of the two fertilized eggs was frozen five days after conception and stored at the New York clinic at that time.
It is this frozen fertilized egg which will be the second offspring for the pop diva.
So rather than being twins, the couple's two children will now be siblings.
"Celine is very, very happy,'' Murielle Blondeau, a spokeswoman for Dion, was quoted as saying Tuesday. "Celine and Rene are full of joy. It's been a big dream for Celine to have a second child.
Local agency reports said the sex of the child is not known.
The best-selling female artist of all time, Celine Dion has sold more than 200 million albums worldwide so far.
The youngest of the 14 kids born into a poverty-stricken musical family in Quebec, Dion was guided to greatness by Angelil who sold his house to finance the young girl's first album in 1981.
The French album went on to become number one in Quebec province, paving the way for her stardom.
Dion and Angelil became lovers but kept the affair under wraps, fearing that it will be frowned upon because he was 26 years older than her. Now, their second Miracle:)
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Twin Saviour Siblings Have Arrived
Twins born following IVF (in vitro fertilisation) treatment to select embryos which would be a tissue match for their elder brother are thought to be the first incidence in the UK of multiple 'saviour siblings'. Out of just twelve licences granted by the UK's regulatory body, the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA), to permit families to use tissue typing to create a so-called saviour sibling, only this one has resulted in twins.
Laurence Maguire, 42 and Wendy Plant, 37, decided to try and have a saviour sibling when a worldwide search for a bone marrow donor for their eldest son, Connor, failed. Connor suffers from aplastic anaemia, a condition in which the immune system destroys parts of the bone marrow causing life threatening anaemia. The condition can be treated by with immunosuppressant drugs and regular blood transfusions, but the only prospect of a cure is to have a bone marrow transplant from a tissue-matched donor. Mr Maguire and Ms Plant created five embryos following IVF, two of which were found to be a tissue match for Connor and were implanted into Ms Plant.
The controversy over so-called 'saviour siblings' centres around the idea that couples might wish to have a child as a 'means to an end'. Some argue that this raises concerns over the welfare of the child, who may perhaps not feel as valued as they would if they were conceived under normal circumstances and may even be put under unreasonable pressure to 'save the life' of their sick sibling. However, speaking to the Daily Telegraph newspaper, Mr Maguire defended the family's decision to have a sibling to help their eldest son: 'Once you see your children, any notion that they are spare parts is gone. We wouldn't change anything, they are our children and we love them all. I never ever think that we didn't have the twins for the right reason.'
The twin's umbilical cord blood will be stored at St Helier Hospital in Carshalton in case their brother's condition deteriorates in the future.
Laurence Maguire, 42 and Wendy Plant, 37, decided to try and have a saviour sibling when a worldwide search for a bone marrow donor for their eldest son, Connor, failed. Connor suffers from aplastic anaemia, a condition in which the immune system destroys parts of the bone marrow causing life threatening anaemia. The condition can be treated by with immunosuppressant drugs and regular blood transfusions, but the only prospect of a cure is to have a bone marrow transplant from a tissue-matched donor. Mr Maguire and Ms Plant created five embryos following IVF, two of which were found to be a tissue match for Connor and were implanted into Ms Plant.
The controversy over so-called 'saviour siblings' centres around the idea that couples might wish to have a child as a 'means to an end'. Some argue that this raises concerns over the welfare of the child, who may perhaps not feel as valued as they would if they were conceived under normal circumstances and may even be put under unreasonable pressure to 'save the life' of their sick sibling. However, speaking to the Daily Telegraph newspaper, Mr Maguire defended the family's decision to have a sibling to help their eldest son: 'Once you see your children, any notion that they are spare parts is gone. We wouldn't change anything, they are our children and we love them all. I never ever think that we didn't have the twins for the right reason.'
The twin's umbilical cord blood will be stored at St Helier Hospital in Carshalton in case their brother's condition deteriorates in the future.
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