Book Report

Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic:... Cost - $29.99
Clinton:....Cost - $29.99

Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:..... Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:.....The story of Jack & Rose,their forbidden love, & subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:.....The story of Bill & Monica,their forbidden love,& subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:.... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:.....Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic:.....In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:.....Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:..... Let's not go there.

Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:..... Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:......Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:......Monica... ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:......Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing.

Sex will not be used to have babies in just 10 years, as couples turn to IVF

Couples will stop having sex to conceive babies within a decade and use IVF instead, scientists said last week.

They say 30-somethings will increasingly rely on artificial methods of fertilization because natural human reproduction is 'fairly inefficient'.

It means that in future, sex will be nothing more than a leisure activity - the latest blow to the Christian idea that the role of sex is to produce children.

If the experts are right, it means the sci-fi world of books such as Brave New World, in which all children are born in 'hatcheries', could soon be closer to reality.

And it raises ethical questions over whether greater use of IVF will lead to eugenics, with couples screening out characteristics they regard as undesirable.

The startling vision of the future comes from John Yovich, a veterinary doctor from Murdoch University in Perth, Australia.

He believes IVF can ease the pressure on couples who have delayed having children to pursue a career, because going for the test-tube option will be more effective than trying for a baby naturally.

Even young adults have no more than a one-in-four chance every month of reproducing through sex. Among the over-35s, this falls to one in ten.

This compares to the near 100 per cent success rate that Dr Yovich believes will be possible with IVF within ten years.

Dr Yovich, co-author of a new report in the journal Reproductive BioMedicine, said: 'Natural human reproduction is at best a fairly inefficient process.

'Within the next five to ten years, couples approaching 40 will assess the IVF industry first when they want to have a baby.' He based his hunch on the fact that in cattle, IVF works almost every time. He said there was no reason that success rate could not be replicated in humans.

His co-author, fellow Australian vet Gabor Vajta, said test-tube embryo production in cattle was 100 times more efficient than natural means. He said there was no reason why IVF in humans should not become 100 times more efficient than sex.

At present, IVF has only a 50 per cent success rate - among the most healthy couples.

Gedis Grudzinskas, a Harley Street infertility specialist, said: 'It wouldn't surprise me if IVF does become significantly more efficient than natural reproduction, but I doubt whether you could ever completely guarantee that it would work.'

In Aldous Huxley's 1932 novel Brave New World, human reproduction has been done away with and is replaced by a hatching process, in which groups of identical children are produced from surgically-removed ovaries and incubated in bottles.

I won't risk second IVF baby...59 is too old!

The woman about to become the oldest to receive fertility treatment in Britain has backed out - admitting her first IVF baby nearly killed her.Susan Tollefsen, 59, was due to start her course this month at a private London clinic.

But the retired teacher told The Sun: "We've basically decided the risks are too great and I'm too old.

"My advice to older women wanting children is don't risk it."

Two years ago Susan had daughter Freya at age 57.

She had to visit a Russian clinic when refused treatment in the UK because of her age.

A donor egg was fertilized with sperm from husband Nick Mayer, 11 years her junior.

But Susan said: "After I had Freya I had a burst ulcer in my stomach and I nearly died. I don't want to leave behind two young children for my husband to look after on his own.

"He is a bit nervous that we are tempting fate with my age. I should just be happy with the child I've got.

"We've been talking about the pros and cons for months and I'm worried about having another baby at my age."

Government guidelines say the NHS should not recommend IVF to women over 40.

Private clinics generally will not treat women older than 50. But doctors at the London Women's Clinic on Harley Street had unanimously agreed in January to help Susan conceive again.

The consultation was filmed for a BBC documentary.

Susan, who was quoted about £5,000 for the treatment, said at the time: "I don't see any reason why I shouldn't be treated."

But speaking yesterday at home in Laindon, Essex, she said: "We try to make the right decisions in life.

"We want a sibling for Freya for when we are not around but we had to seriously reconsider it.

"The doctors didn't have any problems treating me but I know there are huge risks. I wish I was 35 again but I'm not - and I've got to realize that, however hard it is.

"I had hoped to set a precedent for older women but that's not going to happen."

Why my baby really is magic: Woman claims fertility spell helped her conceive after six years of trying

The daughter of a 'white witch' has claimed she gave birth after six years of trying because her mother cast a fertility spell on her.

Hayley Byrne, 25, had been on an NHS waiting list for a treatment similar to IVF when her mother, Karen Tomlinson, offered to help out.

She agreed to don a fertility bracelet, specially woven in the red and white May-pole colors while Karen recited a white witch's chant.

Just four weeks later Hayley was amazed to discover she was pregnant.

Now she and bricklayer boyfriend Daniel Shaw, 28, are the proud parents of baby boy, Daniel.

The happy couple even believe they will be able to fulfill their dreams of having a large family with the help of Karen's neo-pagan 'interventions'.

Hayley, of Burnage, Greater Manchester, said: 'I've always been desperate for a child and so has Daniel. We were devastated to think we may not be able to have any of our own.

'Still, I only put the bracelet on to humor my mum - I didn't really put much stock into it.

'Then four weeks later I found out I was pregnant. We were over the moon.'

Hayley added: 'I had tried everything under the sun - we'd undergone all the tests, some of which were quite painful.'

After seeking medical advice, the couple were advised to sign up for intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) treatment, where Hayley's eggs would be taken and fertilized with Daniel's sperm before being reinserted to grow in the womb.

Unable to afford to go private, the couple faced a wait of several years on the NHS waiting list for their one chance at ICSI, which only has a 30 per cent success rate.

In May last year, Ms Tomlinson presented her daughter with a unique gift - a fertility bracelet which she had spent weeks preparing and had left 'charging' in the sun on her pentagram for over a month.

Karen had always been interested in the power of crystals, but over the past six years she had become a keen follower of Wicca, a neo-pagan religion focusing on spirituality and the powers of the elements, and had even enrolled in a local coven.

When the Stockport-based coven began 'charging' fertility bracelets for the Beltane festival, a gathering which celebrates their God and Goddess coming together to produce the new king, Karen had taken the opportunity to create one for her daughter.

She recited a special chant and tied the bracelet around Hayley's wrist, channeling positive thoughts into nature bringing her daughter the baby she desperately wanted.

Hayley said, 'My mum had been involved in the coven for quite a few years and had always been interested in crystals. I just always thought it was a bit weird.

'I had no idea that before she came to me with the bracelet she'd been charging it on her pentagram in the sun for about a month. It was intended for me and she said she wanted to put as much power in it as she could.'

Despite remaining unconvinced, Hayley kept the bracelet on her wrist day and night and after four weeks she was astounded to discover she was expecting.

Shocked, Hayley took five pregnancy tests before going to her doctors who, in view of her conception problems, sent her for an internal scan which confirmed that she was pregnant.

With a new-found belief in her mother's powers, Hayley shunned pain-killing drugs and relied on just the power of 'charged' crystals to help her through labor, and son Daniel was born in January this year.

Hayley said, 'My mum had been praying for us throughout the pregnancy. With the witches as well, during their rituals and prayers.

'The birth was so easy and I didn't take any painkillers. I was expecting something painful because of the stories you hear, but my birth was so quick and easy that even the midwife commented on it.

'Afterwards I told Daniel that I felt sure the crystals had helped.'

Things that can happen in a bathroom!

IVF begets 2nd generation

One of the first women in Australia to be born through IVF technology has herself had a baby - by natural means.

In what is believed to be an Australian first, Megan Randal, who as Megan Leslie was Queensland's first baby conceived using in-vitro fertilisation, bore a son, Charley, on June 12.

In another twist, the same obstetrician who delivered Megan and her twin brother 26 years ago also acted as obstetrician for Charley's birth. Dr Doug Keeping delivered Megan and Matthew in March, 1984.

There were fears about whether IVF babies would themselves be able to bear children without difficulty.

Australia's first IVF-conceived baby, Candice Reed, turns 30 on June 23.

Ghosts

A professor at the Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?'

About 90 students raise their hands.

'Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'

About 40 students raise their hands.

'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'

About 15 students raise their hand.

'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'

Three students raise their hands.

'That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'

Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium.

When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Ahmed replied, "Shit, from back there I thought you said Goats."