My Powerbook screamed: "You've got Mail!". This was at an unearthly hour in the wee hours of morning.
My teenage daughter had sent me an Email marked "Highest priority". Here is a reproduction of that e-mail:
On 7/2/07, Akanksha Allahbadia <6175189555000972164@mail.orkut.com> wrote:
"IIT Bombay student Anupam Biswas 5th Year Mechanical Engg is suffering from Colukabki (caused due to excessive nabad and depression) a diseasevery rarely found (3 in a billion). His condition is very pathetic and the treatment is very expensive, obviously his parents are not able to afford his treatment. Orkut has agreed to pay 1 paisa after each time this message is forward. So please pass to all ur friends. please i request you to pass it to as many people as u can and lets try to save someone's life. I request please do not ignore this. It will take < 1 min from ur life to help saving someone's life."
I tore my hair out in frustration and searched for one of the nicest and funniest anti chain-letter emails i had received a few years ago. Heres how it goes:
A Mail from a frustrated victim of spams and forwards
• I wanted to thank all my friends and family who have forwarded chain letters to me in 2006 & 2007.
Because of your kindness:
• I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.
• I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.
• I smell like a wet dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.
• I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that
someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
• I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they may ask me to dial a stupid number and the I get a phone bill
from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.
• I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
• When I go to parties, I don't look at any girl no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take me to a hotel, drug me
then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
• I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000
times. (Funny that girl, she's been 7 since 1993...)
• I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to
send me when I participated in their special e-mail program would arrive soon.
• My free Nokia phone never arrived and neither did the free passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.
• Still open to help some from Bulgaria who wants to use my account to transfer his uncle’s property of some hundred
millions $.
• made some Hundred wishes before forwarding those Ganesh Vandanas , Tirupathi Balaji Pics etc.. now most of those
'wishes' are already married:( to someone else)
IMPORTANT NOTE:
If you do not send this e-mail to at least 1246 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will crap on your head today at 5:30pm.
I now look forward to my teenage son's "highest priority" e-chain-mail:)
1 comment:
Ok buddy, what do you think of this then ??
Hello, My name is none of your business. I am suffering from seven rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being mauled by squirrels, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a potato growing out of her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you?
Ooooh,looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll meet the girl (or guy) of my dreams tomorrow! What a bunch of junk. So basically,this message is directed to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil letter leprechauns will come into my house and write "I'm a moron" on my forehead in permanent marker in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by a knight of the round table and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forward about 90 times. It's getting old. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards.
THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN
LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)
(scroll down)
Make a wish!!!
No, really, go on and make one!!!
Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!
No, I'm sorry, we're out of ponies at the time being!!
Have you forgotten why you're scrolling yet?
STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do.First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be kidnapped by ninja elves and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.
t's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones,
THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person:
One person will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people:
2-5 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people:
5-10 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people:
10-20 people will be annoyed with you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Chain Letter Type 2:
Hello,and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved,because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of junk. So go on reach out.
Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.
Oh, and a reminder -if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly!!!
Thanks again!!
Chain Letter Type 3:
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad email addicts with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:
1. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story* #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it.She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died too.
This CouldHappen To You!!!
Bizarre Horror Story 2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was crushed by an anvil that was dropped by a plane that just happened to be flying directly above him. This Could Happen To You Too!!!
2. Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.
Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.
Friends Blah, Blah, Blah,
Friends, Blah, Blah, Blah.
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, no one will like you for as long as you live. I mean it, as long as you live. The point being?
*If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you friendless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
*If it's funny, send it on. Don't annoy people by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only chance of living is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up likeMiranda.
Right?
Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find all your socks missing tomorrow morning.
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