The World according to Americans

Garfield Forever

Peanuts Forever

The Blonde & Golf Balls

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful, (you guessed it), blonde.


The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.



Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, 'Its golf balls'.



Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.



After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked;



'Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?'

USD 700 Million Bailout & The Red Ferraris

Banta Singh in England

An anglicised sardar from Amritsar was visiting the UK for the first time, and got onto the tube at Knightsbridge.
Sitting across from him, was an upper-crust Englishman in a pinstriped suit, reading the Times.
Wanting to to strike up a conversation, the sardar leaned over and asked the Englishman, "Excuse me, sar, what is your name?"
Not very happy at this development, but not wanting to be rude, the Englishman said, "John Fanshawe. And what is your name, sir?"
The sardar replied, "Banta Singh."
The Englishman smiled politely and went back to his paper.
"And where are you from, Mr Fanshawe?" Banta Singh continued.
The Englishman looked up from his paper, "From Sussex , actually," he replied, "And what about you, Mr Singh?"
Wanting to show how anglicised he was, the sardar replied, "From Amritshire".
"Amritshire?" said the Englishman, puzzled, "You have me there, sir. You see, I've heard of Warwickshire, Derbyshire, Lincolnshire and Worcestershire, but I've never heard of Amritshire."
"Yes," said Banta Singh gravely, "That is where I am from."
"Could you tell me where exactly it is? What is the latitude and the longitude?"
It was now Banta Singh's turn to be puzzled.
"I don't know sir," he replied, "You see, in Amritshire we only have Makitude and Bhenkitude."

Rusty Genes

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair.

She can't possibly be mine.' 'Nonsense,' the doctor said. 'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'

'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'

'Well,' said the doctor, 'let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?' The man seemed a bit ashamed.

'I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months.'

'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently. 'It's rust.'

The Indian Transfer Student to an American School

It was the first day of school and a new student named Chandrashekhar Subrahmanyam entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said "Give me Liberty , or give me Death"? She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrashekhar, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said. "Very good! Said the teacher.

Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?" Again there was no response except from Chandrashekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrashekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrashekhar, who is new to our country, knows more! About its history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper: "F**k the Indians". "Who said that?" she demanded. Chandrashekhar put his hand up. "General Custer, 1862." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke" The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Chandrashekhar says, "George Bush Sr to the Japanese Prime Minister in 1991"

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? S*ck this!" Chandrashekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now with almost mob hysteria someone said "You little shit, if you say anything else, I'll kill you." Chandrashekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher Fainted, and as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're f**ked!" And, Chandrashekhar said quietly, "George Bush, Iraq , 2005."